Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
