Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
