It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
