yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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