I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
