The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
