Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
