i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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