You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
