and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
