So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
