If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
