Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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