you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
