He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
