Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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