alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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