just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
