We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
