you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
