literally had 100 drinks last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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