thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
