so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
