Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Everyone says I win the strip club
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
