I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
