So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
