We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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