Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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