dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
