question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
