My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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