I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
