we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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