He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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