I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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