At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dicks are not precious.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
