Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In America we eat man semen.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
