Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
