i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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