Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
