im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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