she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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