You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
