He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
