wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
