I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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