I want to stick my p in your. b.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
