The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
