She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
