I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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