Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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