I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
