She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
