someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
