it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
