i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
